Introducing Tova Leibovic-Douglas – an amazing mom, wife, activist and Rabbi who will be one of our High Holy Day prayer leaders. Read her letter below and click here for more information about High Holy Days at Pico Union Project.
My Journey by Tova Leibovic-Douglas
The theme for this year’s high holiday season at Pico Union Project is “What If,” and initially when Craig shared this concept with me, I was skeptical (sorry Craig!). But, when encouraged to write something about my “what if” moments for the community….
I realized that my life and all of our lives are a series of these accumulated “what ifs”. It was clear that the more I attempted to write a brief piece with clarity and vision, the deeper the layers were to my story of “what if”.
For instance, I began to wonder what if I did not come into the world with the set of circumstances that I entered into, such as my family of origin and history. What if I was not raised by the set of parents that I had, I wondered if I would even be remotely interested in going to Rabbinical school and pursuing the Rabbinate. My dad was raised in an ultra-orthodox Brooklyn community with my Bubbie and Zeidie, Holocaust survivors who carried the weight of the world on their shoulders. My Bubbie’s family was carrying a legacy of Rebbes and learned men. While on the other side, my mom was raised in a southern Methodist household stemming from a family that arrived in the United States in the 1600’s, with most of her ancestors being Methodist ministers.
What if my mom and dad never met? What if they did not choose their love over familial expectations and norms? What if my mom did not choose Judaism with courage and grace, thus allowing me the privilege of excellent Jewish education and home? What if my parents did not hold onto to their families and values, which exposed me to worlds that I might never have encountered, permitting me to enter into spaces that were not like my everyday experience?
Every single one of us can dissect our narratives as chapters of “what ifs”, leading us down and through different paths and somehow creating the essence for who we are today. This concept is equally applicable to our Jewish narrative. This week in the Jewish calendar we are traditionally in mourning as we commemorate Tisha B’Av, the 13th of the Hebrew month of Av. It is said that on this date numerous tragedies such as the destruction of both the first and second temple occurred. While we are so distant from this history and truth, it is nonetheless a day of mourning and fasting – a time for reflection of the sadness that has occurred in Jewish history. As I have been thinking about this day in our calendar, I can’t help but ask the question – what if the temple had not been destroyed? Judaism surrounding the temple looked completely different: a calendar and rhythm revolving around sacrifices, a priesthood that controlled the space and rules and regulations that are foreign to us today were the way of this world. It was in this very space of destruction that the creators of the Judaism we know today, the Rabbis revolutionized how Judaism ought to be – they reimagined the rituals to mostly be homebound, with discourse and learning at the forefront. What if these Rabbis did not have this tragic and horrific moment of destruction? Would they have been able to imagine and create the religion that we have cherished for so many years? Would this version of Judaism be propelled forward? Would we be preparing for the high holidays as we are today, without this what if?
Furthermore, I wonder with excitement if we are currently living through another “what if” moment for Judaism as we lean into a more open, curious, vibrant, diverse and beautiful way of practicing an ancient tradition.
I know that there is no clear answer to this or to any of the what if questions of our own lives. But at the same time, it feels like a significant gift to at least permit ourselves to reexamine how each moment is a treasure, a gift and an opportunity to shift our direction in many ways. The “what ifs” are exactly the makeup for who we all are and what we are becoming. I look forward to being part of this community of seekers and questers on this journey.
